I’ve been on so many diets. Like, SO many. I’ve tried keto, Atkins, tracking every bite through My Fitness Pal, Weight Watchers. I saw more success with weight watchers, but I gained it all back. Is that success? I don’t even know.
A few weeks ago, I stumbled upon a “non-diet dietician” who goes by Claire Chewning on TikTok. She posted a video about how no food is bad and resources to ditch diets for good.
I’ve been told my whole life that I need to lose weight. By family members, friends, strangers, clients, celebrities- even my doctor at my last physical. “Lose the weight now or it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life” a family member said.
Another family member commented after having the flu for 2 weeks as a child, “you were sick as a dog but you never looked better.”
I would love to lose weight. I would love to feel confident in a bathing suit, be able to buy cute strappy bras that don’t dig into my shoulders, not feel like I have to contour my chubby cheeks and collar bone before going out.
I would love to be skinny. But I’m not. I have always been heavier due to my metabolism, genetics, and pure hatred of running.
I have been struggling with my mental health since I was 12. I dealt with bullying, living in an unstable environment, and overcoming a quite traumatic event that I’m not getting into today.
Food has always been my comfort. I looked forward to the nights my mom was too exhausted to cook and we would get McDonalds from the drive through. I looked forward to helping bring in the groceries so I could snag a few snacks for me- boxes of pancake mix or bottles of maple syrup.
I waited until late at night, for everyone to fall asleep to binge on whatever I had. I ate until I was sick, though I rarely got sick. I spent nights sitting next to the toilet, too afraid to make myself purge.
This went on for years, and it’s a habit I still fall back into from time to time, grabbing fast food on my way home from work to eat chaotically and then throwing away the evidence. Eating what I thought was good or healthy during the day, but when my adoring girlfriend fell asleep, eating everything in the cabinet.
Claire phrases intuitive eating as “If diet culture didn’t exist, intuitive eating would simply be called eating”. Intuitive eating is about neutralizing food, eating what I want because no food is off limit, and honoring my body’s natural cues.
I’m so lucky to have the opportunity to work with Claire 1:1, unlearning diet culture and learning what it is like to eat in a controlled and “normal” way.
This is what I am doing. Committing to myself, my body, my life, my journey. No more diets, just eating.
I’m ready to change my life. The first couple weeks have been emotionally taxing, I have still binged, I have gone all day without eating.
I’m re-learning what I need to to be happy. This is a huge part of my journey, stay tuned!